A Mother's Day tribute to family caregivers who care for aging parents

Sixteen years ago, Carolyn Johnson gave up her job and her home to take care of her mother Florence. At 81, the frailties of Florence’s age are compounded by Multiple Sclerosis. She can’t bathe or clothe herself and needs someone with her all the time. "They [doctors] wanted to put her in a nursing home initially, but I resisted that. And the trade-off has been, she's lived [a lot] longer," Carolyn shared as she combed her mother’s hair. Many Americans agree with Carolyn’s decision. Today, one in four US households must find care for an elderly relative, and the majority of them are choosing to take care of their relative at home. ---Thalia Assuras, CBS News

That was me back in 2000. I was my mother's caregiver for 18 years until she passed away at the age of 83, two years after that article appeared. As a family caregiver, I was blessed to be in a special league with many other dedicated daughters and sons, daughters-in-law and sons-in-law who were also taking care of their mothers. All of us made personal, financial and professional sacrifices to care for our aging or disabled parents. Although it wasn't always easy, knowing that we were giving unselfishly of ourselves to help our parents in their time of need made it all worth it. For my generation, taking care of our parents was expected of us, and still promises a special reward.

Without a doubt, family caregivers are the linchpin that holds America's long term care system together. Without them, the whole system would collapse (and everybody knows that). It's family caregivers who bear the bulk of the responsibility of caring for this nation's aging and disabled population. Currently, there are an estimated 66 million family caregivers in the United States (see statistical breakdown).

Traditionally, federal and state governments have counted on the willingness of families to care for their own. The economic value of the unpaid assistance that family caregivers provide to aging and disabled relatives is estimated at 450 billion a year. That's money the government has yet to pay out to family caregivers for the vital work they do.

Many family caregivers perform personal, intimate activities like bathing or dressing. Other common tasks include paying bills and managing finances; scheduling and accompanying a loved one to doctor appointments; managing multiple medications; operating medical equipment; and performing wound care. Family caregivers also coordinate care and help their loved ones navigate health care services and community supports that might be available. ---Lynn Friss Feinberg, AARP blogger

Selfless is a word that describes family caregivers. They are often on-call 24 hours a day responding to someone else's care needs. Family Caregivers may forfeit days off, report for duty even when they're sick and pass up holidays because the needs of their loved one comes first. In the beginning, you don't always realize the extent of the demands caregiving places on you but you learn, and most important, you adjust. You have to in order to survive; or risk caregiver burnout. If you are a family caregiver know the signs of caregiver burnout.

As all-consuming as it is, becoming someone's caregiver is truly an act of love.

You have many reasons for providing home care. The most frequent reason is love for your friend or family member and a desire to provide care in familiar surroundings. It could be that home care is your only option, because outside care, even if it’s available, is often too expensive. You might also be motivated by a sense of obligation, or concern that no one else can provide the same quality care. ---James R. Sherman,Creative Caregiving

Family caregivers have not always had the recognition and support that they have now. It took family caregivers and their advocates joining forces to lobby Congress to pass legislation supporting family caregivers. A momentum shift occurred in 2000 when Congress amended the Older Americans Act to create the National Family Caregiver Support Program (NFCSP). This groundbreaking program not only legitimized the importance of family caregivers but also entitled them to basic services, not the least of which is respite care to enable them to take a break from caregiving. For the first time in a long time, family caregivers could see light at the end of a long, lonely tunnel.

But that was 14 years ago. The torch has been passed to a new generation of family caregivers. Elected officials and public policymakers will need constant reminders of why it's important to fully support family caregivers as Congress considers new programs and funding levels. Administrations come and go but the role of the family caregiver remains just as indispensable today as it has always been. Providing care to aging and disabled loved ones who can't care for themselves is a noble calling. If you know of a family member, friend, neighbor or co-worker who's a family caregiver, why not give'em a hug or bake a casserole to let them know how much you appreciate them. It's a good word that will go a long way.

THERE ARE ONLY FOUR KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN CAREGIVERS, THOSE WHO ARE CURRENTLY CAREGIVERS, THOSE WHO WILL BE CAREGIVERS, AND THOSE WHO WILL NEED CAREGIVERS ---Rosalynn Carter, founder, The Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving

Got troubles, who you gonna call?

It's an undeniable fact that we are living in desperate times. Almost anywhere you look on the planet these days things are happening that are shaking people to their core. In response, many people are doing things that they might not normally do in order to survive. The old idiom,"desperate times call for desperate measures," certainly seems to apply to the time in which we are living.

Photo by Mike Simons/Getty Images

Witness the unprecedented migration of immigrants streaming across borders and continents looking for safety from wars and persecution. Less well publicized, but very much related, is an increase in the numbers of people who are turning to prayer as a result of all that's happening in the world around them. Although actual statistics are few, intuitively it seems more people, even some who don't normally pray, are in fact praying, albeit hasty prayers of desperation.

When confronted with a sudden, overwhelming life situation, saints as well as sinners have resorted to prayer, if only as a last resort and only option. Ted Bundy, who was convicted of the serial murders of several women, spent his last night on Death Row weeping and praying. More recently, victims of the terror attacks that shook Pakistan, Brussels, Paris, Egypt and California were heard uttering cries for God's help as they lay wounded and dying. Prayer is not just for the religious. Turning to God, in desperate times when faced with imminent danger or certain death, is an instinctively human response.

God doesn't cover his ears or refuse to hear the prayers of those who only pray when they're in trouble. Quite the opposite. The bible tells us that God responds even more quickly to the desperate prayers of someone who's come to the end of his rope. To him or her, God says—

...And call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.—Psalm 50:15

The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope.—Psalm 34:18 GNT

Think of those words as an invitation. Several scriptural passages speak of God's willingness to come to the aid of humankind. Proof of this can be seen in the lives of David, King Hezekiah and the thief. David prayed as he ran for his life from King Saul who was trying to kill him. After God rescued him, David wrote down these thoughts—

In my distress, I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.—Psalm 18:6 KJV

King Hezekiah was dying from an incurable illness and prayed to God to spare his life. And God answered—

I have heard your prayer. I have seen your tears. See, I will add fifteen years to your life.—Isaiah 38:5

Both David and King Hezekiah were believers. Some have questioned whether God hears the prayers of an unbeliever. This next example should prove that he does. Known only as "the thief on the Cross," this man was one of two thieves crucified on the Cross with Christ. As he was dying, this sinner, recognized Christ's' deity, and called out to Jesus to spare his soul in the life to come. And Jesus granted his last request saying to him—

I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.—Luke 23:43

The desperate prayers in the bible serve as models for our prayers today. Christians, who truly serve God, can expect certain guarantees when they pray; however, this does not mean that access to prayer is exclusively theirs. To the contrary, prayer is available and accessible to anyone who desperately needs and wants God's help. This should encourage anybody who thinks he's not good enough, deserving enough or articulate enough to pray—to pray anyway. God is listening.

He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him, and show him my salvation.—Psalm 91:15-16